Nov. 8th, 2011

prosodic: (Pike Place)
As we reach the two month mark (tomorrow) for leaving the Seattle area, I'm finally starting to find some acceptance with everything that went wrong here, knowing that there's a lesson in it for me at some point. I mean, some huge lesson that will become clear and relevant to me later on in my life. I've already learned some smaller lessons.

For example, I was reminded again that I need to stop making people a priority in my life when they don't return the favor. Quite simply, some friendships are meant to last forever. Most aren't. And I have a tendency to try to hang on to something that has obviously run its course. In the long run, that results in more pain and heartbreak for me, and I bring that on myself. So now, if I watch a friendship slip away and I know I'm not the one responsible for that happening, I'll just let it go. If there are two of us responsible for that happening and my efforts to fix it haven't done any good, I'll let it go. It hurts less in the long run to just cut my losses and move on as soon as possible, rather than nursing some futile hope that this person will come around and want me back into their life again.

I'm learning about what matters and WHO matters. I'm about to leave a place where there are a bunch of people who showed me that I didn't matter - or only that I mattered for a short time. Although to be fair, there are people here who have also shown me that I matter a great deal, and they'll be sorry when I'm gone. And I'm thankful for those friends. Those are the friendships I'll continue to nurture after I leave. To those friends, I don't say goodbye. I just say, "See you later!"

In two months, I'm going to a place where there are already a bunch of people who have shown me for years - even with miles between us - that I DO matter. I feel so much optimism about this move, because I can't be a stranger in a strange land when I'm among friends. Let's just say that emotionally, I have taken my leave of Seattle. My heart and mind are already in D.C. I'm making plans with my friends there already and I have no doubt that living there will enrich my life in so many more ways than living here ever did.

It's funny, but four years ago when we were getting ready to move here, people kept telling me that I would feel at home in Seattle. And maybe I did. For a time. But now, I feel like D.C. is a homecoming of sorts for me. Because there are people waiting for me there and looking forward to my arrival. There is a life awaiting me there. And I feel like I'm already a part of things, even though I'm physically not there yet. I never had that feeling coming here. It makes a huge difference. I feel it in my bones - I'm going to love D.C. I might not love everything about it (in fact, I already suspect I'll hate the traffic), but I do think I'll feel much more at home there than I ever felt here.

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Karyn

December 2015

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