Five

[prosodic]

I've been awake for the past couple of hours or so, just reflecting on the past five years of our marriage.

I remember a similar sleepless night exactly 5 years ago. I was staying at a Days Inn, my Mom and I sharing a double room. I think I managed to sleep until 3 AM or so. I woke up, remembered that it was my wedding day, and couldn't sleep again from that point on.

Instead, I got up and composed a letter to Lance. I wanted him to know how I was feeling at that very moment, right on the cusp of becoming his wife. I can't honestly tell you what I wrote, and it was a very private thing just between us anyway. I'm sure he still has this letter somewhere. Lance is much more sentimental than he likes to let on.

Anyway, his sister delivered to him the following morning, along with my gift for him - a beautiful watch that he could wear with his dress blues.

My favorite memory of that day...

When Lance choked up while saying his vows.

It was so unexpected. So perfect. He was kind of embarrassed about it afterwards, but everyone who was there was touched. Everyone expected me to cry because it's fairly easy to turn on my waterworks. But I didn't shed one tear. And my voice was steady and strong.

When we stood there, gazing into each other's eyes, and Lance struggled to find his words, I squeezed his hands and winked. In that moment, there was only us, and no one else.

***


We've come a long way in these five years. And it's been an amazing ride so far. There have been massive hills and deep, deep valleys. But we got through all of it, the good and the bad, together. And I think we're stronger now than we were when we started.

This is as it should be.

***

The song that Lance picked for us to dance our first dance to grows in significance for me every single year.

love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes

Comments

[dimwit68.livejournal.com]

Happy wooden (??) anniversary. (It doesn't seem 5 years).

[prosodic.livejournal.com]

Wooden anniversary, you say?

That just led to my first laugh of the day.

Me: "So today is our wooden anniversary, apparently. Does this mean we get to beat each other with sticks?"

Lance: "That would be SWEET!"

[dimwit68.livejournal.com]

Too much information!
;)

(I think it's wood for the fifth).

[prosodic.livejournal.com]

I looked it up. It is.

But it's our glass and steel anniversary instead (dishwasher and windows).

[byron.livejournal.com]

Happy anniversary!!!

I can't believe its been 5 years!!! Of course...I can't believe Kelly and I have been married over 6!!!

[jenny-rambles.livejournal.com]

Awww - so sweet. :) Happy Anniversary! :)

[inateapot.livejournal.com]

aaww, happy 5th! I love that song. Lance is a sweeite. :)