It's been 2 years...

[prosodic]

It's now been almost 2 years - approximately 1 year and 10 months - since we left Germany.

I thought the roller coaster of emotions would've ended by now.

Every once in awhile, I get on that ride again. Yesterday was one of those days. Yesterday was Andrea's birthday. I posted a birthday message on her Facebook, and then on my Facebook, I posted a picture of the two of us in the Grand Place in Brussels, with a message that I missed her. It was the last photo we had taken together, in November 2007, just a few days before we said our goodbyes. (She was leaving for Canada to visit her parents for an extended period, so she wasn't around when we finally left in December.)

This is the photo I posted:


She commented on the photo and we started reminiscing about that day in Brussels and how much fun, though bittersweet, it was.

And I was hit with a huge wave of homesickness for Germany and my friends there. I can't even tell you. I was in a funk all morning.

Luckily, I got distracted with other tasks and it helped lift me out of the dark mood I was in. But it still scares me a little how strong those emotions are, even after all this time. I think it took between 1-2 years to even adjust to living in Germany and for everything to fall into place for me there. I thought the adjustment period would be even shorter here because, obviously, being American, I figured it would be easier to live in my homeland. I haven't found that to be true. There are still things I struggle with everyday, and sometimes, I wish someone could invent a time machine. There are days that I took for granted at the time that I would give anything to be able to relive again. The day pictured above was one of them.

Comments

[bluedots98.livejournal.com]

I'd love to tell you it will go away, but I've been back for almost 6 years and I still miss it and think about it often and wish I had maximized x, y and z. I wish I could do my whole first year there over, I was so bitter and angry. What a waste! But it taught me not to waste time anymore. The worst part for me is knowing we'll never live there again. Sigh.

[prosodic.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't think my first year was bitter and angry...maybe more lost and confused with periods of extreme sadness. I had such a difficult time making friends at first (I thought I would make a friend, but inevitably, they would find they had too little in common with me and not want to hang out anymore). It took 2 years at least before I started hanging out with true friends who liked me for me, and I started feeling comfortable with living there.

Lance talks about moving back again all the time. Part of me would love that, because I could visit all the places I missed the first time. But it definitely would not be the same. Many of the friends I made there are gone and it would be almost like starting over from scratch (for me, at least), except I would at least know what to expect from the culture.