Blindsided

[prosodic]

Now that I'm breathing normally and calmed down, I need to make sense of things.

Grandma England is dying. She is dying.

She just got out of the nursing home a few weeks ago. She was recuperating at her niece's house in Fort Wayne...learning to walk again (maybe). She was happy. She was getting healthy again.

A brain aneurysm took her down this morning. Just like that. She's on life support, but she's being taken off as soon as everyone can get to the hospital. She had a living will. She wanted it this way.

She's going. And I feel helpless. And the first thing I did after sobbing into Lance's shirt was call my other Grandma to tell her that I love her. I made her cry. I didn't mean to do that.

I'm just glad that I saw Grandma E. this summer on my visit home. She was so happy when I came to the nursing home. She didn't know I was coming. And she bragged to all the nurses about her granddaughter who came all the way from Germany to see her.

I love you, Grandma. Peaceful rest.

Comments

[wendywoowho.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.

And, yet, go, Gramma England, for taking the time to have a living will, for communicating to all who needed to know what she wants in this time.

And, damn, you look fabulous in that picture. I can see why -- you have your gramma's nose and smile.

I am so sorry this is happening.

[prosodic.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, sweetie. *HUGS*

I'm proud of her for doing this for herself. I'm not sure when she did it. She had a brain aneurysm 2.5 years ago while she was driving and ended up in an accident. That could've been what prompted her decision.

I just have the comfort of knowing that her last weeks were happy. That she spent them in a beautiful place where she got to play with horses and go out on a boat in the lake. That is so much better than her spending her last days in a nursing home, since she was so miserable there.